True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
