Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
