you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
