my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
