The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
