i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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