Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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