Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
