she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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