sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
