When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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