Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
