my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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