whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
