so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
