no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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