Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she told me i tasted like america
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
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