I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
