Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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