we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
