You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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