I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
