the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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