Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
