I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
