Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
