She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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