I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize