Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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