just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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