I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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