Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
