Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
