Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
