Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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