I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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