I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
