Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
