non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
