just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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