does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
kristin has been a bad kristin
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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