You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
