He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
