Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
