you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
