have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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