just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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