He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
