Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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