does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
