it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
this is an emotional support booty call
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
