Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
