this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
