I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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