a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
