I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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