I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
