oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
