Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
