Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
