I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
