I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
