"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
