Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
