fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
