Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
