I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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