dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
