Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
