dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
