we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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