I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
