dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize