just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
